In the English language we have a few words we can use to describe a specific act of non-sexual physical intimacy, such as cuddling, snuggling, spooning and hugging.

All these words imply a kind of comforting act, largely one that females seem to perceive or appreciate as being important, while many men may often only see these acts as a way to achieve sexual intercourse.

As one of the Urban Dictionary definitions says of the word "Cuddling":

"Smart men love cuddling because it is single best route to sexual intercourse and to the elusive FEMALE ORGASM"

This sentence says a great deal. Female Orgasm is not guaranteed in the sexual act through frictional intercourse. Men are typically the initiators of friction, and stimulation that brings them to release, but not necessarily the female to her release!

And what is the female orgasm?

A very basic observation is that the female orgasm in its truest sense is not vaginal or clitoral - but more related to the females ability to connect with her partner. On a biological level, it is likely that the more affinity and chemistry the female has with her partner, the more likely she will connect and have an orgasm.

This connection is primary bio-energetic in nature, and bio-energy is passed between people, through cords of connection. These energy connections typically signify a great deal of meaning for human beings, but in the west the true nature of these connections are largely not recognised, as only measurable and quantifiable physical phenomena is generally considered “real”.

What is called "Love" is not recognised as a real force by western science, yet love is experientially real to billions of people in the world as a primary force in their lives, and is for the great majority, quite clearly more than the result of chemicals released in the brain.

Love could be perceived as the product of the advanced bio-technology that is the human organism; and it is the advanced nature of this technology can give us the appearance that love is “magic”.

The problem with cuddling is that it is seen as a soft and comforting option which consoles, and does not imply any particular motivation or intention. Men tend not to be as interested in cuddling as women, except perhaps as a way to acheive sexual intercourse. Also, cuddling does not innately demand intimacy, as intimacy is typically perceived to have reached its apotheosis in sexual intercourse. Yet, perhaps intimacy reached simply in focussing on being intimate and focussing on becoming connected.

So, men are biologically programmed to engage in sexual intercourse with as many women as possible. Whereas, women are biologically programmed to choose the right sexual partner, the one who could be the father of her child! Of course, this does not mean either sex is a slave to their biological programming. 

But what we are talking of here is translating biological programming, into the realm of conscious relating. In this case, men can Meb with many women, without disrupting, but rather hopefully, increasing social cohesion, and women can consent to Mebbing with men without the fear of pregnancy and thus allowing her to be nurtured by the different forms of love and nutrience offered by different men.

Integral to an understanding of human sexual potential, is what Wilhelm Reich described as the essential nature of the full and complete release of orgasm - largely a bio-energetic phenomena which brings the body into integration with an energy that shakes and vibrates the body into a full vibratory let go and discharge.

Reich ascertained that western people were disconnected and spiritually sick, largely because of their repressed sexuality. Reich’s teacher Freud essentially came to the same conclusion that western people were sexually repressed, yet Reich began to actually work with the bodies of people, address and understand their sexuality. He perceived that human sexuality was primary a bio-electric phenomena. And he discovered what he called "Orgone" energy, the same fundamental energy that spirituality and medicine in China and India have been working with consciously for thousands of years. In other Asian cultures such as Korea and Japan, fundamental concepts of human energy like the words "hara" and "ki", are part of the daily parlance of tens of millions of people. In the west, we do not have any specific word, and many people tend to use the word “energy” as the closest approximation in the English language.

A fundamental contention is that we in the west, need to become aware of this energy for its own sake. Alone, in meditation, it is possible, although often difficult to become aware of this energy. Some people can meditate for hours every day and not become aware of anything outside of their normal thought patterns.

During sexual intercourse, of course it is possible to become aware of this energy, but we need to ask, why are not more people spontaneously reporting the complete involuntary let go in orgasm that Reich reported?

Likely this is to do with conditioning and expectation, and intention. Through Mebbing we can recondition our expectation and reset our intention to experience energy and connection, which is actually the very fruit of what our awareness can experience. It is my contention that through this act, we can engage closer with the energy which gives us the ability to truly “make love” - and listen to the intelligence and love which allows that.

Reich said "unconscious life fucks"

Fucking is a conscious process of control, involving mutual friction, largely to achieve male release and pleasure. Love or intimacy or connection is not normally the conscious purpose of 'fucking'.

As Reich says this regarding what he views as the quintessential nature of Orgasm:

“The orgasm in its true biological sense is a result of steadily growing waves of excitation and not something ready-made to get by hard labour. It is unitary convulsion of one single energy unit which long before the merger was two units, and which after the merger will divide again into two individual existences. Bio-energetically, the orgasm amounts to a true loss of one's individuality into an entirely different state of being:

It is not the getting of an orgasm on her part from him and on his part from her, as the sick mind of man in the twentieth century was wont to believe. The proof of this is the fact that such "getting" the orgasm vanishes completely upon medical treatment, whereas the true biological merger does not vanish but rather increases in its vigour. These matters are crucial.

The orgasm is an event which HAPPENS in two living organisms, and not something "to be achieved". It is like the sudden protrusions of protoplasm in a moving amoeba. An orgasm cannot be "had" with everyone. Fucking is possible with everyone since all it requires is enough friction of the genital organ to produce discharge of the seminal fluid or a feeling of strong itching. An orgasm is different from that, and is basically different from a feeling of strong itching.

One cannot obtain an orgasm by scratching or biting. The scratching and biting male and female is struggling to obtain biological contact by all means.

Orgiastic contact HAPPENS to the organism. One does not have to make it. It is there only with certain other organisms and is absent in most other instances. Thus it is the foundation of true sexual morality."

One of the implicit heirs of Reich's work is an American teacher of Spiritual Healing, called Barbara Ann Brennan. Trained as a scientist, and after working for NASA in weather research, she mapped the human energy field in her books, founded upon the work of bio-energetic teacher John Pierakkos, Wilhelm Reich, her spiritual healing teachers and her fundamental observations of the “human auric field”

In her book, "Light Emerging", she describes and illustrates the energy connections between individuals. One of the key concepts she presents in this book, is that through conscious bio-energetic connection, individuals can obtain an essential healing and wholeness not easily available via other avenues.  

This is because an individual only truly realises their wholeness and the nature and essence of their self when relating to another in intimacy and connection. Alone, it is more difficult to realise one's primary identity and nature. 

The fundamental problem with sexual intercourse as an exclusive means to this bio-energetic connection and therefore healing are manifold.

- The physical stimulation in the genitals and rhythms of physical movement can become a distraction.

- Typical ideologies of male and female intention to orgasmic release and relief, can prevent meaningful connection.

- Both men and women are often not connected to their sexuality, in an emotional or energetic way. Past histories of sexual abuse can cause a kind of disintegration. People who “fuck” for only for physical pleasure may have closed off to the realms of connection and intimacy, and even try to avoid these realms for the personal complications they can bring.

- The sexual realm is very political, often involving the manifold complications of “relationships”. It is a "big deal" for many people and why not? With the risk of pregnancy for women, the spread of STD's and the horrors of "protection" – those indecorous latex barriers which prevent the basic transmission of fluids, which are the basis of a quite essential bio-chemical communion.

Yet, when genital stimulation is taken out of the equation, you are left with the meat and meaning of energetic connection, without any potentially messy types of self consciousness, performance anxiety, sexual or personal politics.

One of the primary issues of human sexuality is quite well delineated in John Gray’s book "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom"

He reports that women typically require an amount of time, such as 30 minutes to reach Orgasm, or at least 30 minutes of foreplay. And that men require only a short amount of time to reach orgasm - sometimes only a few minutes.

John Gray also reports that he believes that men need sex, not just for the pleasure of release, but in a deeper sense, because it gives men an opportunity to feel. Men as the hunters, the fighters – who largely have to deal with the rough and tough world of painful consequences as protectors of the tribe, often only truly feel themselves during sexual intercourse. That is, in the sexual realm they can feel their own emotions, their own connection to themselves and another human being.

Yet, if men are willing to admit they want to engage with women to feel (and therefore experience more life), then the level of feelings can remain at the level of feelings, and the man can go deeper into hitherto unknown sensations of connection and communion.

The Chinese Taoists in the time of the Yellow Emporer a few thousand years ago, thought that the female orgasm was an energy to be stolen! Or obtained! Their purpose was to delay ejaculation so that they could "take" the energy from the female, with intercourse seen as a kind of battle. The women considered to be a superior opponent in “flowery combat“, because she could "win" by making the man ejaculate: game over! The Taoists would see then, that the man loses his energy, and the woman wins his seed!

This sort of oppositional state of sexuality may seem a bit strange to westerners, who believe more in "Love". Perhaps even more strange to westerners, is the Taoist advice to choose a “plain girl” over a beautiful one, as the beautiful girl is ostensibly more likely to cause an early ejaculation!

Modern day western tantric men often try to prevent ejaculation from occurring at all! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that such repression of the state of the bodies ability to discharge is unnatural.

According to Reich, full discharge is healthy and necessary for the health and emotional well being of the human being. To forcibly prevent that discharge and recharge is preventing those natural rhythms of charge and discharge. The point is that it takes a full discharge to bring about a full charge! The fuller and more complete the discharge, the more full and highly charged the masculine charge will be. The point is here that most men do not actually engage in the full let go and release of orgasm, and therefore do not achieve a full discharge and are then often living in quite a depleted, state of low charge and emotion. The key to realising a full discharge is that discharge is primarily bio-energetic in nature, not just a physical release.

Mebbing takes out of the framework of physical release to engage into our bio-energetic nature so we can cultivate our own intelligence and bio-energetic awareness. In practise what we are doing in Mebbing, is engaging in stillness and in silence.

The practise is exceedingly simple - both partners lie on their side and face each other – clothes can be on or off, both partners can be in their underwear, though one with clothes on and one with clothes off is uncomfortable! So then you are both finding a position whereby you can lie completely still in each others arms, holding each other so you are both lying in a complete hug. The man or woman can put her leg over and around their partners leg, but this is not necessary. The most important thing is to find a comfortable place to put the arms - but with practise, it is not actually hard to find a comfortable position.

And so then you both just lie there and let it happen. The idea is to stay as still as possible, but to actually let the body go so it can move involuntarily if it wants to.

Both partners should focus on engaging in an intimate way. One will find the more one lets go and engages into openness and connection, the better it becomes! One simply focuses on where the energy or movement is. The process is like tuning a radio dial away from the movement of the mind to the wholistic movement of energy in the body. Energy generally moves from the sacral chakra just above the groin, in the solar plexus and from the heart chakra in the centre of the chest. But one also finds that the bio-energetic nature of the body is very sophisticated and complex. Being with different people is an entirely different type of experience. Each individual person appears to have a different type of energy - a different type of “love.” Experiencing these differences in who we are bio-energetically, to different people, seems to satisfy something deep within the human organism.

Often, at the beginning of Mebbing, the mind may be "bored" and cranky, because it is becoming displaced in importance. When you begin to tune into these energies, they can appear subtle at first, but when you engage into them, they can become extremely and often unexpectedly strong!

Deep forms of pleasure can be experienced in the body. The experience can be very intense, but one finds there is a self regulatory intelligence that guides it. There, you can encounter emotional pain as well as pleasure – normally the pain represents a clearing of a blockage in the bio-energetic system, a temporary state of awareness of where stagnation has been and this allows for more flow of energy which is experienced as pleasure.

The more flow, the more pleasure! Where flow is blocked, disease and sickness follow! Eastern practises such as acupuncture unblock energy and facilitate flow as a means to healing the body. 

For the man, he may well get an erection, and then his challenge is not to become too physically excited. The point then is not to raise the energy up in any way, but to allow the energy to interact horizontally with the partner and adjust itself. Women would do well not to try and draw the man to her through her vagina and draw the man to her through her energy body – which is more wholistic and sophisticated because it exists in every part of her!

Yet, the woman may become wet and horny as well. Again, it is best to breathe and focus on allowing the energy to be experienced. No conscious effort to raise the energy is required. It is just a matter of staying with it and not being seduced into sexual intercourse if that is not the intention.  

What many may perceived as subtle energies, are actually not so subtle, as these energies can cause the body to vibrate, jolt, spasm and contract the pelvis in many different ways. These “convulsions” feel good, and innately encourage us to integrate our mind and body.

Women may have the experience of coming to orgasm. Interestingly enough, this normally takes about half an hour to be experienced. For many females who are new to mebbing, there may be an experience of disinterest or even boredom, stray thoughts, until the half hour point, where the whole experience seems to "kick in".

Men may have the experience of coming to orgasm, with or without ejaculation! Having an orgasm without an ejaculation is quite liberating for a man, who can then experience multiple orgasms.

The pleasure one can experience within the bio-energetic nature of the body, for the man can exceed the sensation and feeling he has upon ejaculation in the tip of his penis, but he is experiencing it in the bio-energetic nature of his body – he is FEELING it.

The man can realise the female orgasm is his key, not to “steal” her energy, but to connect to her more deeply and within him, just as in her are appendages which create forms of energetic communion and connection of which the experience of, is very fulfilling. These kinds of experience of connection, will bring one to be more open to life and be able to receive and feel more of what life has to offer.

Having said that, men being men, often feel a need for sexual release, especially if they are single. Mebbing and the resulting stimulation can result in a feeling of frustration for many men. And this is a factor if you are mebbing with someone new and don't want yet want to engage in sexual activity. If women are choosing to meb with men and are not choosing engage with them sexually, it may be useful for them to consider what it is going to take for that man to want to meb with them again! Or it might behoove some women to offer a form of release for a man after mebbing, if she is the one who wants mebbing only and not sexual intercourse.

The woman and the man may want to engage in sex after some time Mebbing. And that may well be a natural evolution or fulfilment an energy exchange. This is something that may need to be made clear upon engaging in Mebbing. Yet, the whole point of Mebbing is that sexual intercourse is not required as a way to be intimate and share energy.

The irony then is that, the sex may not be as fulfilling or deep as the Mebbing! And then, sex itself becomes less necessary AS an opaque and necessary act to obtain intimacy and communion and very significantly - pleasure.  

And then sex will become richer and deeper as well. There really is no end to the depths and riches available to us.  

Q: Does there need to be any purpose or intention behind Mebbing?

A: There does not have to be. It seems that left to its own devices two bodies will actually work it out, even if they are complete strangers. This is the chemistry of interaction which occurs if we GIVE it space and time.

The inner world becomes apparent and it is within the body. The nature of the inner circuitry appears as a kind of advanced bio-technology; to realise this circuitry alone in meditation is not so easy.

In stillness with another person, it is much easier to realise this circuitry, because one is being moved by the energy of another human being.

Q: Isn’t this just Tantra by any other name?

A: Tantra is word that implies many eastern spiritual practises, not necessarily related to sexuality or anything to do with conscious relating. Tantra, as an overall path, may recognise the form and value of the physical world and engaging with human life as a way to spiritually advance.

Yet, Tantra, has an aura of sexualised spirituality in the west. Yet, words such as “sacred” and “spiritual” and the referencing to eastern traditions may in fact actually prevent the organic and the natural from arising into expression. Many people involved in Tantra are enamoured by techniques and practises which are not particularly natural. 

Tantra and the business of Tantra has certainly become “a bit of a trip” in the west. The fundamental ideology of westernised Tantra is that there are dimensions beyond the body that can be accessed through specific techniques, that sexuality is not just about gratifying the physical body and can become focussed on energetic communion. Yet, somehow Reichian thought regarding the orgasm has bypassed western tantric practitioners, which is more typically yogically ambitious or Taoistically ambitious, accumulating inner wealth or adeptness within the realm of spiritual materialism.

Mebbing is a way to engage with the energies of the body. None of this is anything at all new to people who are serious about what is known as Tantra, but the aura of specialness and exclusivity may prevent many people from accessing these energies – which belong to anyone who can access them consciously.

Thousands of people have been Mebbing for years, yet calling it a tantric embrace I think is a very inelegant way of describing it. 

Q: Couldn't mebbing be a way that men can get to a point of intimacy with women so he can have sex with her?

A: Well, men can already do that via cuddling and how many men do that? Well, a few at least. 

If a man's intention is just to get his rocks off, then he is unlikely to be at a point where he can actually Meb in a way that works for him or his partner. The thing is, it takes about 20-30 minutes to get anywhere with mebbing in the first place. Mebbing is not really occurring over a time period of 5-10 minutes, it should normally occur for an hour or so. Men who are mebbing with women for 5-10 minutes and then proceeding to seduce women into sex are not really mebbing in the first place. Men who seriously meb with women for an hour or so, probably have a good understanding of the energies involved and are less likely to be selfishly predatorial in regards to women, or coming from a place of sexual scarcity in the first place.

Yet, the point is, this is something different from Sex. It is its own thing. Sex is a different thing. Is Mebbing better than sex? It can be. And yet sex is this where we engage more with the physical realm.

Often one may find that sex is not as satisfactory as Mebbing! And so sex becomes less important in and of itself, and one comes back to the fulfilment gained from connecting with another human being.

And at the end of the day, proximity is not what facilitates human connection or intimacy, but intention and physical proximity do allow its catalysation. 

Q: What is wrong with good old sex? Or sex without movement or momentum?

A: Well, nothing is wrong with sex at all. But what we are talking of here is becoming aware of our sexual potential, beyond where most people concentrate. What we doing here is becoming aware of the true intelligence of our bodies ability to connect, and be empathetic with and engage with another body! People, especially in the west, are already having a lot of sex, often very casually and without awareness that there is actually a non-physical aspect to sexual intercourse. Just continuing to have sex and hoping to become aware of that is not always so easy. 

Sex without movement or momentum can work very well to allow us to realise the same basic energies. 

Alan Watts wrote in his book “Nature, Man and Woman”:

“If no attempt is made to induce the orgasm by bodily motion, the interpenetration of the sexual centres becomes a channel of the most vivid psychic interchange[…]

Although the man does nothing either to excite or withold the orgasm, it becomes possible to let the interchange continue for an hour or more, during which the female orgasm may occur several times with a very slight amount of active stimulation, depending on her degree of receptivity to the experience as process taking charge of her […]

Or it may happen that they prefer simply to remain still and let the process unfold itself at the level of pure feeling, which usually tends to be the deeper and more psychically satisfying way.”

Q: What is the experience of Mebbing like?

A: One will likely begin to experience energy flowing between the vortices that are called chakras, typically in the solar plexus and in the lower stomache.

Most people are unaware of this energy or are unconscious of it. Some people will experience this as feeling good or relaxing. This is not necessarily something that everyone just snaps into. It does take the right combination of people and their energies to inspire this communion, and even then, perhaps quite a lot of practise!  /font>

People may experience fields of light merging, have visionary experiences, experiences of deep love, but more often than not, just energy and a natural fullness and sense of the bodies energetic pressure, pleasure and flow.

It might take a lot of time and effort to really get this… like anything, it could even take years for some people. Couples would do well to integrate Mebbing into how they relate. 

Q: Can men Meb with other Men - can women Meb with other women?

A: Of course!

Q: How long should Mebbing last?

A: Until it ceases to be interesting, maybe after an hour it becomes less interesting or “full”. Sometimes it just "stops" happening naturally. You can do this for hours of course, but I’ve found one hour is a good guideline.

Q: Are psychedelic compounds useful for going deeper with Mebbing?

A: Yes, but not they are not at all necessary. Again, any drug can be distracting, but it can also offer a state of more openness. And if one is quite closed and finds opening into intimacy challenging, which is quite a lot of people - psychedelics can be used to allow one to work through issues that do prevent intimacy and connection with other human beings. Yet, working with psychedelics in this way is a whole other field of activity, apart from Mebbing.

As far as particular psychedelics, 2CB is very effective, MDMA can be quite good, and yet, Mushrooms seem to be the best.

If anyone starts out practising Mebbing with a partner and they are not “feeling” it or getting anything out of it, they may want to consider taking MDMA or preferably Mushrooms, and then will often become very evident. These experiences can become a reference point for how far one can go with this form of relating, and this may represent one of the most useful therapeutic potentials of these substances.

Q: How did Mebbing come about?

A: Over a decade I quite regularly experienced kinds of super-consciousness through being with women in a non-sexual way.

Then I saw I wanted to justify this intention to create this kind of super-consciousness, and finding myself unable to justify it or bring about the kind of intention and openness I saw as being possible.

I actually started to meb naturally with my girlfriend over some years and it took some years for me to really get it. Again and again, these energies may appear subtle to begin with, but with time it becomes at the forefront of your awareness, so that they become very predominant in one's awareness.

Q: What are the benefits of this? 

A: For women, it is good to experience they have a value beyond the piece of meat between their legs. If men are choosing to relate to them in this way, there can be a kind of a deep biological re-programming which I believe can heal women into realising their true and essential nature and value is bio-energetic, rather than purely "physical" nature. Women can experience much deep relief and healing via experiencing this.

For men, I believe they can awaken into their essential inner power, which women can activate within them. In this way, the sexes can learn to respect each other in the sense of a metaphysical meaningfulness, rather than bringing everything back to the meat. 

A fundamental realisation is the spiritual, the metaphysical is somehow not wispy or wishy washy - it is primary and in your face. What we call matter is 99.9% empty and spirit can fill that empty space and make it full of meaning and wonder. 

Being in open and loving space with members of the opposite sex, is liberating, fulfilling and healing. Sex does not demand intimacy in and of itself, yet Mebbing does. As intimacy is perhaps one of the most primary ways we can realise ourselves and who we are, Mebbing became necessary.  

- Julian Palmer

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